Blog | Mastectomy Vs. Lumpectomy | The Husbands Point of View


Phil and his wife, Leslie, a breast cancer survivorIt has been 3 years since my dear wife found out she had breast cancer.  I still remember her crying hysterically, and the shock and sadness that comes to the family with such a diagnosis.   I will admit - it was hard!  My wife’s entire family on her Father’s side has had cancer, all except Dad.  That’s 4 out of 5.  Mom’s side is also pretty full of cancer diagnosis.  So you could say the odds were high that one day she might face this disease.
So when we got the bad news, I am sure the reaction everyone has is the same - now what?   I poured myself into lots of reading.   I appreciated most the book written by Dr. Elisa Port.  It was fair, honest, and reliable.  I believe it was “New Generation Breast Cancer Book: How to Navigate Your Diagnosis and Treatment Options-and Remain Optimistic-in an Age of Information Overload.”  After reading several books, and carefully considering the options, I don’t think anyone but YOU should decide your treatment course.  BUT (AND THIS IS A BIG BUT) You deserve to know the WHOLE TRUTH about what you are going to experience.      
I am going to say something that may upset some people.  I don’t care.  Having lived through this experience, I honestly believe it is a lie to say that  “lumpectomy/radiation” and “mastectomy” have the same outcomes.  That is as close to a lie as I have ever heard.   That’s like saying “if you take the path to the left, you will go directly to your home, or if you take the path to the right, it will take you twice as long, through poison ivy, and there might be is vicious dog to watch out for, but after all of that, you get to your house.” While it is true that they both result in you getting home, are they really both the same?
I am incredibly upset that the full treatment path of lumpectomy (and more importantly radiation) are not not always clearly explained before people take that course.  I am upset that the surgeon or oncologists are not more upfront about the fact that radiation can destroy surrounding tissue; that the radiation can cause cancer.   I am upset that the surgeons or oncologists don’t explain how painful the radiation treatment is.   I am upset that they don’t always clearly explain how tamoxifen can affect you, your body, your life.  I think it is insane to say “mastectomy and lumpectomy” have the same outcomes.  
I heard a report on a popular TV program that sited there was an “alarming increase in the number of mastectomy surgeries being performed.”  The article sited in increase of 70% in mastectomies.  I think that shows that more and more people are getting the time to choose the best treatment course for them.   BRAVO!   
I hope I am not giving the impression that lumpectomy/radiation is the wrong path, but it is for some patients.
Then you have the family history to consider.  Everyone on both sides of my wife’s family had cancer.  When we discussed and considered everything, it would have been incredibly foolish not to aggressively attack this disease.  Double mastectomy was the right path.  If you get cancer in one breast, isn't it possible to get it in the other?  
The part that is sometimes less vocalized is that once you treat with lumpectomy/mastectomy, you have to continue to monitor both breasts closely.  Every 3-6 months, the worry starts welling up.  You start to wonder - “will the cancer come back?”  Anxiety attacks are common.  You see, we had many friends who have lived through this experience.  They were honest with us.   They told us the good and the bad of lumpectomy/radiation.  I am so glad that we took a moment to research the treatment, and carefully considered all treatment options.
Now let's consider the mastectomy route.  Yes - you are going in for a surgery that will change your life.  If being “busty” is a part of your identity, I can see how this would be a huge change, and could be very emotionally difficult.   However, as a husband, my wife’s life and wellbeing are infinitely more important than breasts.  I want her to be happy and healthy!   I would be a bad husband if I told her “just treat the one side, and hope that cancer doesn’t come on the other side.”  That’s unreasonable to me.  My wife saw family members treat a single side, only to have cancer come back with a vengeance in the other breast. Also, with mastectomy, though perhaps traumatic at first, once the surgery was done, her cancer story was over.  No need to come back every 6 months to retest.  Removing all the tissue that could be affected is a more aggressive and final choice.  It cuts out a lot of options.   However, after mastectomy, my wife is not as scared of the cancer coming back.  We realize, of course, that this is still a possibility, but the possibility is very low.
I have heard it said that a barber will always tell you that you need a haircut.  I suggest that an Oncologist will most often tell you that radiation treatment is the best option.   Really discussing this with multiple experienced people is important.  And I suggest discussing it not just the Dr.s involved, but the amazingly generous women on Facebook in the breast cancer groups.  Talk to women who have been through the entire process. They tell it like it is, and really want to help.  We only discovered this amazing resource after my wife had her surgery. (Email Us to get the current list of my wife's favorite breast cancer facebook groups)
Today, because of being unable to do reconstruction, my wife does have to wear prosthetics when going out in public.  The attention of not wearing these is something she doesn’t want to have.  So that is definitely a small but real disadvantage of mastectomy without reconstruction.  Finding clothing is also a little harder today.
After a little bit of time, I think we all have adjusted to the mastectomy.   My wife now says that she feels “light” and can run upstairs without any pain (something I never would have thought about).  If you choose to do lumpectomy/radiation, and do understand everything involved, than I applaud and respect you.  But make sure you know as much as possible.    Make sure you know the entire path, start to finish, before deciding on your total plan.  Good health to you!   
PHIL

21 comments

  • Debbie

    I wished more men would talk about this and support each other. Going through Cancer is hard for the whole family. My diagnosed was April 4, 2018. I found it and all the 20+ years of going to get Mammograms they didn’t catch it, I did. I was a stage 3 and one doctor said go and get chemo first but i chose the surgery. I was ER positive. I also had 4 lump nodes positive. I had to stop all estrogen. I started Chemo after a month passed. I had to wait a month out after any procedure to let my body recover. After surgery and my breast removed and expanders I had to let my body try to heal. after 2 weeks i had to go back to plastic surgeon. He would fill the expanders to expand the skin. Once, finished filling the expanders I then had to go for the Radiation. The radiation was about 6 weeks. A year passed i was ready for expanders to be removed and replace with the implants. Went through the recovery and about the second week i had to call my doctor because my surgical tape was coming apart and i had started to drain. My skin was warm to the touch and I knew something was wrong. My skin pulled apart and you could see the implant. This was my left side were i had the radiation. After, about a month and I was not healing the left implant had to be removed. I wanted the surgeon to remove both implants at this time. I guess he thought i would change my mind and have another surgery to replace the one i loss. By then people I was done with any more surgeries. They have long recovery time and I am tired of being in a lazy boy sleeping for 2 months. My husband stayed out of work for me 2 months. I will say we were blessed because his manager was very understanding. We both were stressed because I am a very independent person and I hated i could not do for myself. You, have to get someone to help bath you and wash your hair because you are not suppose to use your arms besides eat. And check the drainage and document it for the doctor. If I knew what I know Now i would had gone flat chested. At the time all i could think about is losing my breast and i didn’t want to. Your life is different and never be the way it was. I do not want to discourage anyone but I have to take AnaStrozole for 5-10 years. It is horrible because your body hurts and aching in your bones. The worse one is it removes much of my Estrogen. Hot flash’s and more hot flash’s. Things can be painful. I have to pray a lot. and read His Word. It is one thing to have your breast removed but never thought it would affect me as a whole. This coming April will be 3 years now. I am thankful to my God I get up in the morning and can take a breath. I am thankful my God has never left me. He loves each and everyone. I know in my heart Jesus will take care of us when we go home with Him one day. All that we suffered here and now will be no more. We will be made whole again in Christ Jesus. But while i am on this sinful world I will go and tell as many that will listen Jesus is Alive and He loves you. Turn your heart to God. He knows what it is like to suffer because He went to the Cross for each one of us. It was our sins that put Him on that Cross. Jesus is Alive. Jesus will forgive anyone but You have to go to Jesus and repent of your sins and believe in your heart He is the Son of God and went to the Cross to pay my sin debt. He suffered and died and on the third day rose again. And many walked with Him and talk to Him and ate with Him. Before He went Home to heaven with the Father. If you want to know who Jesus is go to the book of John and start there. And reread it again. I pray your heart will open to the Holy Spirit and give you understanding of the Holy Word. I pray your hearts will burn for the longing, of belonging, to Jesus Christ as your Savior. This is your hope and joy. We have to go through Jesus to get to the Father. Jesus is my Savior and I will be with Him one day in Heaven. Jesus lives so I can face tomorrow and forever!

  • Kathy Noel

    Thank you so much for offering your point of view – and in such a caring way – your wife is lucky to have you and you’re lucky to have her, as well!

    I was diagnosed on September 4, 2020 and am scheduled for double mastectomy with reconstruction (DIEP-FLAP) on October 20. Although my surgery is already scheduled, I’m still gathering information and have doctor consultations this week and next. I would love your wife’s list of favorite Facebook groups – it would be a great help!

    Thank you,

    Kathy

  • Christine Giovacco

    I just found out I have Breast cancer on Aug 17, I’m having a bi-lateral mastectomy Sept 17. I would love the favorite Facebook sites. Thank you for your amazing article and blog. Trying to learn as much as I can.

  • Veronica

    Thank u for this! My DMX is set for Monday , august 24 . My husband is so supportive and just wants me around and is on board with DMX … I though have caught myself second guessing my decision because I’ve read articles about the same survival rate , outcome , etc . I also have chosen DMX due to size and praying to avoid radiation and tamoxifen and the horrible side effects. So thank u so much for this . I needed this today !!

  • Melissa

    This is one of the best posts I have read about mastectomy vs. lumpectomy. And written by a man, no less! (That’s a compliment, please take it as such.)

    I’ve lost 3 out of 4 women in my family to breast cancer over the past 20 years. All 3 were talked into lumpectomy/chemo/radiation because it had the “same survival rate” as mastectomy (my mother’s journey was within the past 2 years so the advice is not archaic). For all of my aunts, the cancer came back, metastasized rampantly and took all three of their lives. It wasn’t until AFTER my mother’s lumpectomy and that her oncologist recommended genetic testing. Had she had the screening pre-surgery, it would have changed the oncologist’s recommendation and my mother would have happily had a mastectomy. Now that she has fully recovered, she refuses to go through another major surgery.

    I am furious that oncologists don’t provide better guidance to patients.

    Through that process, we learned we both have a gene mutation (PALB2) that my aunts likely had too — the mutation wasn’t discovered and/or there wasn’t a test available for it during my aunts’ journeys.

    I’m 40 and I have not had cancer (yet) but have lived my life 6 months at a time between MRIs and mammograms for years because of my family history. I am scheduled for prophylactic mastectomy in September.

    Thank you for educating everyone on this topic and thank you for being so involved in your wife’s journey!

    Blessings to you and your family!

  • Patricia Cockrell

    I would love a list of Facebook groups. Thank you for being so candid!

  • Joy Troiano

    I was just diagnosed on 7/9/20 and am going through surgical consultations. I would be grateful for the names of the Facebook groups. Thank you and God Bless.

  • Marilee Lowe

    I would love the name/names of support groups/people. I was just diagnosed wIth breast cancer and have a mastectomy schedule for 7/22. I’m terrified and it has been whirlwind of information gathering thrown at us.
    I do love my doctors/team.
    But still, Cancer. WTH!!!

  • Marilee Lowe

    I would love the name/names of support groups/people. I was just diagnosed wIth breast cancer and have a mastectomy schedule for 7/22. I’m terrified and it has been whirlwind of information gathering thrown at us.
    I do love my doctors/team.
    But still, Cancer. WTH!!!

  • Traci Hancock

    I am scheduled for a bilateral mastectomy with the DIEP FLAP reconstruction next week. I feel like this has been a whirlwind since the diagnosis. I would love to have a list of your favorite Facebook pages. Thank you for everything you are doing for others.

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