Blog | Mastectomy Vs. Lumpectomy | The Husbands Point of View

Phil and his wife, Leslie, a breast cancer survivorIt has been 3 years since my dear wife found out she had breast cancer.  I still remember her crying hysterically, and the shock and sadness that comes to the family with such a diagnosis.   I will admit - it was hard!  My wife’s entire family on her Father’s side has had cancer, all except Dad.  That’s 4 out of 5.  Mom’s side is also pretty full of cancer diagnosis.  So you could say the odds were high that one day she might face this disease.
So when we got the bad news, I am sure the reaction everyone has is the same - now what?   I poured myself into lots of reading.   I appreciated most the book written by Dr. Elisa Port.  It was fair, honest, and reliable.  I believe it was “New Generation Breast Cancer Book: How to Navigate Your Diagnosis and Treatment Options-and Remain Optimistic-in an Age of Information Overload.”  After reading several books, and carefully considering the options, I don’t think anyone but YOU should decide your treatment course.  BUT (AND THIS IS A BIG BUT) You deserve to know the WHOLE TRUTH about what you are going to experience.      
I am going to say something that may upset some people.  I don’t care.  Having lived through this experience, I honestly believe it is a lie to say that  “lumpectomy/radiation” and “mastectomy” have the same outcomes.  That is as close to a lie as I have ever heard.   That’s like saying “if you take the path to the left, you will go directly to your home, or if you take the path to the right, it will take you twice as long, through poison ivy, and there might be is vicious dog to watch out for, but after all of that, you get to your house.” While it is true that they both result in you getting home, are they really both the same?
I am incredibly upset that the full treatment path of lumpectomy (and more importantly radiation) are not not always clearly explained before people take that course.  I am upset that the surgeon or oncologists are not more upfront about the fact that radiation can destroy surrounding tissue; that the radiation can cause cancer.   I am upset that the surgeons or oncologists don’t explain how painful the radiation treatment is.   I am upset that they don’t always clearly explain how tamoxifen can affect you, your body, your life.  I think it is insane to say “mastectomy and lumpectomy” have the same outcomes.  
I heard a report on a popular TV program that sited there was an “alarming increase in the number of mastectomy surgeries being performed.”  The article sited in increase of 70% in mastectomies.  I think that shows that more and more people are getting the time to choose the best treatment course for them.   BRAVO!   
I hope I am not giving the impression that lumpectomy/radiation is the wrong path, but it is for some patients.
Then you have the family history to consider.  Everyone on both sides of my wife’s family had cancer.  When we discussed and considered everything, it would have been incredibly foolish not to aggressively attack this disease.  Double mastectomy was the right path.  If you get cancer in one breast, isn't it possible to get it in the other?  
The part that is sometimes less vocalized is that once you treat with lumpectomy/mastectomy, you have to continue to monitor both breasts closely.  Every 3-6 months, the worry starts welling up.  You start to wonder - “will the cancer come back?”  Anxiety attacks are common.  You see, we had many friends who have lived through this experience.  They were honest with us.   They told us the good and the bad of lumpectomy/radiation.  I am so glad that we took a moment to research the treatment, and carefully considered all treatment options.
Now let's consider the mastectomy route.  Yes - you are going in for a surgery that will change your life.  If being “busty” is a part of your identity, I can see how this would be a huge change, and could be very emotionally difficult.   However, as a husband, my wife’s life and wellbeing are infinitely more important than breasts.  I want her to be happy and healthy!   I would be a bad husband if I told her “just treat the one side, and hope that cancer doesn’t come on the other side.”  That’s unreasonable to me.  My wife saw family members treat a single side, only to have cancer come back with a vengeance in the other breast. Also, with mastectomy, though perhaps traumatic at first, once the surgery was done, her cancer story was over.  No need to come back every 6 months to retest.  Removing all the tissue that could be affected is a more aggressive and final choice.  It cuts out a lot of options.   However, after mastectomy, my wife is not as scared of the cancer coming back.  We realize, of course, that this is still a possibility, but the possibility is very low.
I have heard it said that a barber will always tell you that you need a haircut.  I suggest that an Oncologist will most often tell you that radiation treatment is the best option.   Really discussing this with multiple experienced people is important.  And I suggest discussing it not just the Dr.s involved, but the amazingly generous women on Facebook in the breast cancer groups.  Talk to women who have been through the entire process. They tell it like it is, and really want to help.  We only discovered this amazing resource after my wife had her surgery. (Email Us to get the current list of my wife's favorite breast cancer facebook groups)
Today, because of being unable to do reconstruction, my wife does have to wear prosthetics when going out in public.  The attention of not wearing these is something she doesn’t want to have.  So that is definitely a small but real disadvantage of mastectomy without reconstruction.  Finding clothing is also a little harder today.
After a little bit of time, I think we all have adjusted to the mastectomy.   My wife now says that she feels “light” and can run upstairs without any pain (something I never would have thought about).  If you choose to do lumpectomy/radiation, and do understand everything involved, than I applaud and respect you.  But make sure you know as much as possible.    Make sure you know the entire path, start to finish, before deciding on your total plan.  Good health to you!   
PHIL

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  • Melyssa on

    What an amazing resource for everyone. I was diagnosed with breast cancer April 20, 2021 and am waiting for a breast MRI to see what treatment plan will be. My mom, grandmother, my dad’s sisters had breast cancer and trying to figure out my treatment plan. I would love to receive the list of your wife’s Facebook groups and what I have read so far has been absolutely amazing and informative. I truly appreciate all your candor and information. It is so scary not knowing exactly what to expect. Thank you sharing and so excited to receive my shirts and pillow. I am leaning towards a bilateral mastectomy due to family history and do not want to have to go through this again. Getting a second opinion as well to see what options I have if my surgeon does not agree with what I want for my body….

  • Beth Binkley on

    Could send me the list of websites/blogs that you mentioned in your excellent article. And Facebook groups too?

  • Beth Binkley on

    Could send me the list of websites/blogs that you mentioned in your excellent article.

  • Sam Watras on

    I am scheduled for my bilateral mastectomy on March 22nd. Just a few weeks away now. I received my pillow today and am awaiting delivery of my shirts. Anxiety is building. Please send me the Facebook groups that you have mentioned. Leslie has been of great help to me in placing my orders. I’m so thankful that God guided me to your website. Thanks again and God Bless,

    Sam

  • Julie on

    Thank you for this post. I am scheduled for a bilateral mastectomy with the DIEP FLAP reconstruction next week. I would love to have a list of your favorite Facebook pages.



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